i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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