if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
