So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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