It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
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