I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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