I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
