sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
