never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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