My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
