i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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