No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
