I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
