Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
