Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
