Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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