There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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