He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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