hotel room ftw
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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