Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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