I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
time to smoke my breakfast
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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