She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
