That's intense
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
