At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
