if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
