Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
