i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
