I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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