I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
