so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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