I hope mine doesn't look like that
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
