please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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