I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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