I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
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Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
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Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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