She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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