Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
