Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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