So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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