Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
