The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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