you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
