I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
