Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
