haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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