I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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