So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Your cock deserves a montage
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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