i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
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2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
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He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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