i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
