It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
