you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Randomize
