You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
