Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i barfeds in our rink
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
