I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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