I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
