i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
