I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
