I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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