i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Randomize
