I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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