I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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