I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
