i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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