he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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