Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
