Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
