I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
