Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
