sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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