we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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